🔗 Share this article Navigating my Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy While Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, I’ve spent many, largely pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, however I never felt completely content, in that I felt neither loved nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I begin seeing any man, when the initial excitement fades, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men again. Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but from my observations, they appear demanding, often causing lots of pain and jealousy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want another man to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel somewhat confused. Every person’s sexual journey varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to handle different types of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need in your current state could easily shift in the future; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. At some point you might meet a person who provides a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you may choose that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your energy. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and recognize the worth of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a American therapy professional who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.